Title: Breaking and Entering
Feedback address: firstname.lastname@example.org
Date in Calendar:
Fandom: Law & Order: SVU
Word Count: 1,272
Summary: "I came to talk. I figured you wouldn't take my call."
Spoilers/Timeline: for "Turmoil" and any relating to Alex’s time in WIP | missing scene from "Turmoil"
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Disclaimer: "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit," the characters and situations depicted are the property of Wolf Films, Universal Network Television, NBC, etc. They are borrowed without permission, but without the intent of infringement. This story is in no way affiliated with "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit," Wolf Films, Universal Network Television, NBC, or any representatives of the actors.
Author's Disclaimer: SVU and any characters belong to Dick Wolf, not me.
Olivia Benson sighed as she neared her door, weariness and anger from the day's events slowing her steps. Digging her keys out of her pocket, she rested her head against the cool wood in an attempt to gather her strength. She was home, alone, again. Finally, she unlocked the door and went inside, stopping as she noticed a light on in the living room. She dropped her bag and pulled her gun, but the briefcase resting next to the table stopped her.
Taking a few more steps forward, she sighed again. "Alex."
The woman sitting on the couch turned toward her, a hesitant smile on her face.
"Hi. You look tired."
Olivia re-holstered her gun and went back to the door to retrieve her bag. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to talk. I figured you wouldn't take my call."
"You figured right. How did you even get in?" she asked as she reentered her living room.
Alex reached into her pocket. "I still have my key."
Olivia stared at the keychain Alex held out. "I would have thought the deputies would have taken that away from you."
"They tried," Alex said. "I refused to give it up. Since it doesn't have any identifying marks, they finally backed down. I can be quite forceful when necessary."
"Then why not prosecute Sam Baylor? Why give up?"
"I haven't. I've re-filed, adding a few more charges to boot."
Olivia nodded. "Still, you were going to give up. On the case, on the squad. On me."
Alex stood. "I know it feels that way. I'm sorry. I…I let my personal feelings get in the way, and I'm sorry."
"What are you talking about?"
"I allowed the distance I've been feeling between me and the squad color my judgment."
"Distance? You mean how you returned from the dead only to ignore those who mourned you?"
Alex briefly closed her eyes. "I deserved that."
"You don't know what you deserve. Get out."
"I can't, not yet, not until you understand what happened."
"You died, we mourned, you came back, we called, you ignored us, we mourned again, you walked back into our lives as if nothing happened, and we didn't welcome you with open arms. You wonder why there's distance. C'mon, Alex, you're smarter than that."
"I came here first after I was released from witness protection. I came here first."
"It was early, barely daylight, and I wanted to surprise you. I brought those pastries you love from that bakery close to my old apartment. I thought…" Alex shook her head. "Doesn't matter. I came here, and as I was just getting off the elevator, I saw Casey coming out of your apartment. It was obvious she had spent the night. So, I left. If you had moved on, I didn't want to be in the way."
"I know it's no excuse not to return a phone call. I just couldn't, and I thought if you really wanted to see me, you would show up. You never did. I kept hoping, but…." Alex shrugged.
"I didn't think you'd want to see me. You had been home for weeks before I even knew you had returned. Then, when I called, you never called back. The next thing I knew you were engaged. How was I supposed to know you wanted to see me?"
"You didn't fight for me. I…I guess I expected you to just know and to demand an explanation. When you didn't, I gave up. I did what I thought I had to in order to survive. Seeing you would have destroyed me."
Olivia took a step forward, her voice gentling at Alex's admission. "I never slept with Casey. She spent the night here because she had too much to drink and fell asleep on the couch." Olivia shook head, her gaze coming to settle on the far wall away from Alex's penetrating stare. "I tried to move on, dated some, even talked about moving in with someone, but I couldn't. He didn't understand, and I didn't know how to tell him I was in love with someone who barely acknowledged my existence."
"I thought of you every day," Alex said, moving closer. "I…Olivia…I…," Alex sighed. "I love you. I loved you through wins and losses. I've loved you through four states and three bullets. I've loved you up close and from afar. I left loving you, and I came back loving you. I tried not to, I tried to stop, but I couldn't. I looked for replacements. I put my job before my life. I did everything I could to walk away from you, but here I am, still loving you."
Olivia turned to look at Alex, who caressed her face, the touch light and brief. "If you want me to resign, I will. If that is what it takes to make you happy, I'm willing to do that but don't think I'm going to walk away from you before I have tried everything I know to try to convince you how I feel. I'm done running. I've accepted that I love you. I can only hope you will, too."
Olivia stared at Alex for a long moment, her emotions palpable, her eyes watery. Finally, she reached out for Alex, pulling her closer, putting their foreheads together. "You're always so warm," Olivia said through her tears. "I've never understood it."
"Is this the time to make a lame joke about how you heat me up?"
Olivia laughed loudly before turning serious again, releasing Alex and taking a step back. "I miss you."
"You don't have to."
"I can't just pick up where we left off."
"I'm not asking you to."
"What are you asking?"
"To give us another chance. I don't want to start over, Olivia. We have a past I refuse to forget. Remembering you is what kept me alive. I just want the chance to add more memories."
"So, we go from here?"
"We get to experience a whole list of firsts again." Alex took Olivia's hand.
"That could be fun," Olivia teased.
"So could the seconds and the thirds."
Olivia's smile was lost against Alex's mouth, the kiss meant to be sweet and short, but Olivia pressed forward, deepening it until they were both breathless.
"We might as well do it right if we're going to do it," Olivia said when they parted.
Alex smirked and tucked a strand of Olivia's hair behind her ear. "You have always been an overachiever."
"Look who's talking." Olivia kissed her again before saying, "We still have a lot to talk about."
Alex nodded. "But at least now we're talking."
"Among other things."
This time, it was Alex who laughed. "Yeah."
"I don't want you to resign. I guess you're not the only one who was allowing her personal feelings to get in the way."
"We used to handle that better."
"We used to handle it together," Alex reminded.
"Elliot always said he thought our arguments were foreplay."
Alex blushed. "If he only knew. Does this mean I get to keep my keys?"
Olivia kissed the tip of Alex's nose. "If the U.S. Marshals couldn't take them away, I guess I have no chance."
"They were the only part of you I had left."
"You had me, Alex, even if you didn't know it."
"Sentimentality makes me hungry," Alex said.
Olivia laughed, but she took Alex's hand and pulled her toward the door. "Well, then, I guess I should feed you."
"You're not too tired?" Alex asked as she put on her jacket.
Olivia paused in the doorway. "Suddenly, I'm feeling revitalized."