Title: Nocturnal Confessions
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Date in Calendar: 17 December 2009
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia Spencer/Natalia Rivera
Word Count: 2493
Summary: Natalia's discomfort in late pregnancy results in some night time discussion
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Disclaimer: Guiding Light belongs to Proctor & Gamble and Telenext Productions. I'm just playing in their playground for the time being. This story takes place post Natalia's return to Springfield in August 2009, and shortly after Olivia and Emma have moved back to the farmhouse.
Author's Note: A huge thank you to my beta, Shaych03, for fixing my tenses and providing the wonderful image that accompanies this piece.
Natalia awoke to the sight of moonlight streaming through their bedroom window and casting pale shadows on the carpeted floor. Natalia whinged slightly at the discomfort in her back, as the baby had been having a busy evening doing somersaults. She patted her tummy and sent a quick prayer asking that the due date arrive just a little sooner. Now that she was awake, she was aware that she had to go to the bathroom. She had sworn more than once that this pregnancy had cursed her with a micro bladder. Peeling back the duvet, she braved the chill of the old farmhouse as she headed to the bathroom. When Natalia returned, she smiled as she noticed Olivia had sprawled out on the sheets, her body covering the centre of the bed. A light snore rose from the hotelier. Seeing Olivia like this, Natalia was reminded how much Emma resembled her mother. In their own ways, mother and daughter had both managed to wrap themselves around Natalia's heart like a woven basket. Crossing the short distance to the bed and lifting the duvet, Natalia nudged Olivia over and then flopped to the bed, fighting to find a comfortable position in which to sleep. Unsuccessful, she settled for lying on her back and staring up at the ceiling. This lasted all of about three seconds before the little life within her began another round of "inter-womb gymnastics" and forced her to turn on her side. At least the view was much better. Free to gaze at her sleeping partner, Natalia made the most of it and enjoyed the uninterrupted moment.
Gently, Natalia ran her fingers through Olivia's hair. She thought, not for the first time, or even the tenth time, of how lucky she was to have Olivia not only back in her life, but also back her in their home. She had known that there still had been a chance their reunion might not have happened. Natalia smiled fondly. Olivia's stubbornness could rival Natalia's own, but the younger woman's persistence had prevailed. Now Olivia and her daughter were back where they were meant to be. They were a family again. Natalia wasn't naοve enough that they still wouldn't face conflict, but she had chosen Olivia. She would not fail. There was going to be some comments from people; some supportive, others less so, but she wouldn't let that detract her. Once before, she'd almost let other people's opinions ruin the best relationship she'd ever had. Escape had seemed the only possible answer in the sea of confusion and chaos that surrounded the discovery of her pregnancy, and yet, it was a choice she would regret for the rest of her life.
Despite her dogged persistence and her self-assurances when she returned to Springfield, Natalia had not been prepared enough for how badly Olivia had been hurt by the younger woman's absence. It took precious time to rebuild those broken bridges; time that Natalia hated to surrender in her desire to regain her family. Yet when Olivia had shown up at her sonogram to be with her, and declared that she was going to be there for Natalia and for their family, Natalia's smile could have powered an entire wing of the hospital.
An echo of that smile graced her lips as the memory of that moment entered her thoughts. Leaning closer to Olivia, she placed a soft kiss against the older woman's forehead. Quietly so as to not wake her, Natalia softly whispered, "I love you, Olivia."
"Love you, too," Olivia mumbled in response.
"Not really. Felt you get up. Is she keeping you awake?" Olivia was now used to her partner's nocturnal patterns. The hotelier brushed her hand over the rounded swell of Natalia's abdomen. It wouldn't be much longer before their little girl joined them in the world.
"Yeah. I swear she's going to be a soccer player."
Olivia moved around a bit so that she could wrap Natalia in her arms. "Mmm. Emma was like that. Probably explains her energy levels. I don't remember a lot of being pregnant with Ava. I was so young and I had no idea what to expect." Olivia tipped her head to rest on Natalia's.
"Neither did I. When I found out I was pregnant with Rafe, I just learned what I could from books I had borrowed from the library."
"I didn't want to be pregnant then," Olivia whispered very quietly. The hotelier wasn't sure that she wanted to talk about this now, but they weren't keeping secrets from each other anymore, and it looked like Natalia was going to be awake for a while longer until the baby settled.
Olivia continued speaking of her past quietly, almost timidly. "I was scared and angry. My mother told me I couldn't go to the ball at the embassy, but I didn't listen and I went anyway. It was so beautiful in there." Olivia's voice took on an almost dreamy tone as she spoke of the events. "The main ballroom had a large candelabra hanging from the ceiling and there were dozens of people in fancy dresses and suits. At sixteen, I looked older than I was, but I still had to talk my way into the party. There was a punch bowl and I didn't know I swear I didn't know - that it had been spiked until it was too late. There was this guy there and he was so handsome. And he was asking me to dance. I didn't realize how drunk I'd gotten until I needed to lie down."
Olivia's voice changed, becoming more anxious as she spoke.
Natalia's hand came up to rest on Olivia's chest, over her heart.
"The next thing I remember, I was being led to a room upstairs by the guy who'd danced with me. He was gentle at first; just lying on the bed with me. Then, he started kissing me. It was nice for a while, and I was okay with it. But then he wouldn't stop." Olivia's voice faded for a minute as she paused and gathered her thoughts and emotions. Even twenty-five years later it was difficult to process what had happened to her.
Natalia turned to look up at her, aghast. She was beginning to get an idea where Olivia's story was headed. Not wanting to destroy the moment, and knowing that her partner needed her to hear these words, Natalia remained quiet and moved her hand up to caress the side of Olivia's face. As she looked into the older woman's eyes, she silently urged her to go on.
Stonily, Olivia continued her story. "I must have passed out. The next thing I remember was that it was morning and I was being shown the door by one of the house staff. They told me it would be best if I forgot what had happened. Funny thing is, for the most part, I had. The spiked punch had done a number on my memory. When I got home, mother was waiting for me and she was livid. I was grounded; not allowed outside except for school."
Olivia shook her head; a dry chuckle of mirth emerging from her. "I always thought when I was growing up that she was too strict and I'd be so different from her when I got older." Her voice changed; dulled and Natalia noticed the shift in her tone. To lend her partner some courage, Natalia nodded her head slightly and gave Olivia the courage to continue describing one of the most difficult periods in her life.
"A few weeks later I was getting sick on a regular basis. A nurse at my school figured out what was going on, and suggested I take a pregnancy test. I did and it came out positive. I was devastated. One more thing to tie me to a night I didn't remember. I wanted an abortion; to be rid of it. But my mother, she wouldn't let me. She was a dyed in the wool Catholic woman and believed that abortion was a mortal sin."
Natalia gave her a murmur of encouragement, acknowledging how difficult it must have been for Olivia. It also gave her insight on why Olivia had such an issue with religion. Not wanting Olivia to lose the momentum she had, Natalia again looked into Olivia's eyes, showing her as much love as she could.
"We argued a lot. Then one time we were having this fight, oh God it was the same old stuff about responsibility and I just kept yelling and didn't realize she'd stopped. She had a massive stroke." Natalia moved her hand up to wipe away the tears that streamed down Olivia's face.
"For years afterwards, I blamed myself. I thought I'd caused her death and nothing anyone said could change my mind. After she died, I went into a depression and when I came out of the depression, I was too far along to do anything. When Ava was born, I couldn't deal with her, not after the circumstance in which she was conceived. I gave her up for adoption. My mother had just died. My father had been dead for years, and Sam and Marissa were far too young to be of any help in dealing with a newborn. So that was that. I let Ava go and forgot about her. I had to; so that I could give everything I could to my siblings."
Natalia moved her hand from Olivia's face to wrap around the older woman's waist and she placed a kiss against Olivia's shoulder. "Oh my God, Olivia, I'm so sorry. I can't even begin that you endured all that you're so strong. I love you so much."
Natalia paused for a moment as she processed what Olivia had told her. Then, the younger woman's face scrunched up in surprised question. "Wait a minute isn't Jeffrey Ava's father?"
Natalia shook her head, still trying to grasp the information. "But you're friends now. How?" Natalia was completely baffled by this. Natalia pulled back to stare at Olivia, as if seeking some sign that Olivia was prevaricating.
"It took a long time for me to get there."
Natalia nodded, understandingly.
"Honestly, I didn't know it was him until a lot later. Several years ago, I went down to San Cristobel. At that point, the only one in Springfield to know about the rape was Buzz." Olivia paused and levelled a gaze at Natalia. "There are very few people that know. It's not something I talk about a lot."
"I understand." Natalia spoke softly, her tone conveying just how honoured she as to be counted among the few Olivia trusted with the terrible story.
"Anyway, Jeffrey had followed me down to San Cristobel. Ava was back in my life, and he, well, he was sorry." Olivia sighed. She was done. There just wasn't much more that she could give to the story. Her soul had already been bared, and even though she loved Natalia unlike she had ever loved anyone, there were places that even the other woman couldn't make the hotelier go. "To make a long story very, very short, we managed to make peace for Ava's sake."
"I don't know that I could have done that forgiven him."
"He was a different man by the time he came to Springfield." And he was, Olivia reflected solemnly. He genuinely cared for the people around him. Ava, herself, Reva and Colin all made up the circle of family that Jeffrey had sought to care for and protect. Even Rafe found himself the recipient of Jeffrey's changed nature only someone who'd make mistakes of his own could understand that the boy was just angry about his father's death.
Natalia rested her head against Olivia's shoulder. She was beginning to realize how deep Olivia's trust and abandonment issues were. Again she quietly thanked God that this beautiful woman beside her had given her a second chance. She was also thankful that Olivia had chosen to share that information with her.
"I'm glad that you and Ava have a good relationship now."
"It wasn't easy. I almost had her killed before I realized she was my daughter."
"You what?" Natalia knew Olivia wasn't the easiest person to be around before she entered the picture, but this was a surprise. After the story about Ava's parentage, Natalia wasn't sure she could be more surprised, but once again, when it came to Olivia Spencer, she couldn't have been more wrong. It's looking like I'll have to get used to Olivia doing her best to shock me. Well, good. I look forward to it.
"Not my brightest moment ever. In a nutshell, I realized Ava was the daughter I'd given up for adoption and called the hit off. We eventually grew closer. I think that was Emma's doing as well."
"Emma has a way of doing that. She's a charmer. Just like her mother." Natalia raised herself up on an elbow and placed a kiss upon Olivia's lips. "You know, we both came from different backgrounds, both had children as teenagers, lived quite different lives and yet here we are; together, a family, you, I, Emma and soon this little girl." Natalia's smile lit up her face as she reached down to rub the full curve of her belly. "You make me so happy, Olivia."
Olivia closed her eyes as an onslaught of emotion threatened to overwhelm her. Speech abandoned her and she did the next best thing. Drawing Natalia down into an embrace, she kissed her. At first soft and gentle, but as Olivia felt Natalia's arms wrap more fully around her, their desire exploded, charging their kisses with passion. Just as they were breaking for air, the baby's presence made itself known with a sharp kick that Olivia felt against her own ribs. The surprise of it broke the intensity of the moment, and as they looked into each other's eyes, they started to laugh.
Natalia scrunched up her face for a moment as she looked down at their positions. "I'm not squishing you, am I?" Without waiting for a reply, she leaned back to lie against Olivia's side again, but the older woman quickly shifted until their positions were almost reversed. Now it was the older woman who was spooned around Natalia's side, one leg curled loosely over the younger woman's thigh.
"I'm not complaining, love." Olivia placed her hand against Natalia's abdomen, rubbing gentle circles there. "But if we try to rest, maybe the little one will settle." Olivia continued with her gentle caress. Then, very quietly, she began to sing a lullaby that she had learned as a child. Before long, she noted that not only had the baby settled, but Natalia had also fallen off to sleep. Placing a soft kiss against Natalia's temple, Olivia whispered into the younger woman's ear, "You make me happy, too."