Title: When Whoever's In New England
Author: Preygurl
Feedback address: preygurl@yahoo.com
Date in Calendar: 6 December 2005
Fandom: x-over SVU/Crossing Jordan
Pairing: Olivia/Alex & Alex/Jordan
Rating: PG-13, some language, kissing and innuendo
Summary: A/U. Is Alex where she wants to be? These things and more happen, not neccessarily in this order: Alex comes back to life after Liam Connors is sent to jail. She reflects on her past, which includes her early years in Boston, and how she and Olivia got to this point in their relationship. Olivia reflects on how she and Alex got to this point in their relationship.
Spoilers: Takes place post-Ghost. All episodes are spun, twisted and spoiled any which way I choose.
Advertisement: Part of the FSAC:DW05
Archiving: Not until the chickies at Shatterstorm say so... and then with permission, please.

Disclaimer: Same sex relationship/feelings/sex, etc. If you're not old enough or mature enough to read with an open mind, or it's illegal in your neck of the woods, please don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. And another thing, I own nothing! It's called fan-fiction for a reason... fiction people... Fic me baby, fic me... >>

Additional Author Ramblings: This was supposed to be a simple little songficish thing, you know maybe the “at least” 500 words. Not the case, I’m sorry for the monster it became (a little under 9000 words, not including the lyrics at the end of the story), but not for the pain inflicted. If you’re not up for an epic read, no worries. If you do manage to find your way to the end, or hell, even the middle, please feed me… good, bad, flame or champagne. Enjoy.


Present Day - Olivia

Phone rings...
Olivia picks up the receiver as she reads the caller i.d., "Hey Baby-"


"Coming home soon?"

"Yeah, actually on my way."

Olivia sensed tightness in Alex's voice, "What's up sweetheart?"

Alex sighed into the cell phone, "I know we had plans to get away this weekend..."

"But you have to work..."

"I'm sorry Olivia."

Hearing the use of her full name, Olivia knew this wasn't just 'I've brought work home with me' kind of work. "Oh, a trip," she stated, not needing to ask the question.


"Well that's alright babe. We'll make the most of it. It'll be fun."

"Well, I'll be working straight through; I should be back by Sunday afternoon. I just figured that you'd have more fun staying home with the dogs."

"Oh. Well we'll talk when you get home. When is your flight?"

"In approximately ninety minutes. I just called to check flight status. I should have just enough time to grab a bag, head to the airport and check in."

"Fine. Do you want me to drop you off? I'll get your stuff together for you. Anything special you need?"

"Nothing special. Thanks honey. I'm about ten minutes away."

"Hang up babe. Drive safe. Love you."

"Love you, too," Alex spoke to only a dial tone. She flipped her phone shut.

You spend an awful lot of time in Massachusetts
Seems Like every other week you've got a meeting waiting there
Business must be booming or could something else
Be moving in the air up there


Olivia moved through their Tennessee southern colonial home. Finding her way to the master bedroom, pulling out Alex's overnight bag, and filling it as she had several times over the past few months. She listened to the song filtering through the house. Humming to herself, then chuckling out loud because she was humming a country song. Making her way back to the living room, she settled in front of the hearth, which was already burning brightly. She reflected back to how exactly she and Alex had gotten to this point.

February 17, 2005
SVU squadroom/Cragen's office

Elliot walked into Captain Cragen's office with his arm around Casey. Detective Miguel Sandoval and Captain Cragen following them.

Casey smiled at Elliot, "Guilty on all counts." Elliot smiled back, "I never doubted it would be anything else."

Olivia entered Cragen's office from another door, she handed one of the bottles of champagne she was carrying to Elliot and the other to Miguel. "Let's get this party started."

Elliot chuckled taking the bottle. Miguel reached for the offered bottle, "Ooh, that's what I'm talking about."

Cragen stepped towards Olivia, "Alex knew how to push Connors' buttons."

Miguel was handing out cups and glasses, Elliot and Casey were chatting in the corner. Olivia glanced away from the captain sheepishly, "She's a great prosecutor."

Cragen replied matter-of-factly, "And you gave her the ammunition."

Elliot passed Casey a glass of champagne, Casey made a sly comment, "Oh no. Don't let me drink too much. Penalty phase starts first thing in the morning."

Elliot gave Casey a little bump, "Slam dunk. Live a little tonight."

Hearing something in the hallway Elliot looked towards the door, "Is that her? Is that her?"

Olivia spun on her heel, her heart pounding in her chest seeing the shadow appear in the doorway, the door opened. DEA Agent Hammond entered the office, his face resigned. Olivia craned her neck to look past him down the hall.

"Where's Alex?"

"Marshals are moving her and Antonio to new identities. She asked me to say good-bye."

As Hammond left, he pulled the door closed behind him. The mood in the room shattered, everyone put their drinks down. Celebration over.

Olivia's shoulders sank, her head dropped in disbelief. 'No, no, no, not again.' She took off out the door behind Hammond. Catching him in the hallway, she pulled him into a meeting room.

"She's really gone?" Olivia couldn't even bear to ask the question.

"Her choice."

"No, this can't be happening again. Not like this," Olivia paced the small room.

Agent Hammond reached into his jacket and pulled out an envelope. Handing it to Olivia, "She wanted me to make sure you got this. I was going to mail it."

Olivia took the offered envelope, opened it and began to read the enclosed letter...

'My Dear Olivia~
I think this is for the best. Agent Hammond has told me that Antonio will be placed in a great home and have a great life. They wanted me to take him, but as much as I'd love to, I cannot.'

There was more, but she didn't continue reading. She stared at Hammond, "Where is she?"

Agent Hammond started to reach for the door, "She asked me to make sure you stayed here. Don't try to see her. Don't try to find her."

"Bullshit! She's no coward! You told her to write this. There's no reason for her to be in witness protection anymore. I want her back here! Now!"

Olivia could feel the emotions building up. She was going to blow her cool, and this guy had no idea. Agent Hammond tentatively reached out to touch Olivia's arm, she began to shake a little. He spoke softly, "I am sorry. This is it. All I can offer you."

Both Olivia and Agent Hammond turned toward the sound of the door opening. Alex slid into the room, letting the door close behind her.

Alex focused on Olivia, "But it's not all I can offer you."

"Alex," Hammond and Olivia spoke in unison.

Turning to Agent Hammond, Alex smiled, "Jack, we need to talk."

"This is a bad idea Alex."

"I don't care. No more running. Antonio will be safe; he’ll be fine. I won't; not if I leave her behind again."

Olivia listened to the conversation, wondering if it was a dream or not. Then the conversation was over, Alex and Agent Hammond were hugging. Then Agent Hammond was gone, slipped out the door. Alex made sure that the door closed all the way before flipping the lock. She turned to Olivia.

"So, you wanted me here. I am. Now what?"

"Oh, Alex. There's so much to say..."

"Save it."

Alex closed the distance between them. Tears now freely flowing from Olivia's eyes. Alex framed her face in her hands, wiping the tears away with soft strokes, "Shh, shh honey. There's a whole lot to work out. Shh, shh, but that's for later. It's going to be okay. I'm here."

Olivia did not wait for Alex to make the next move. She wrapped her arms around the beautiful blonde-haired woman, pulling their bodies tightly together. Alex's eyes involuntarily fluttered shut. Olivia leaned in close, reveling in the smell of Alex, enjoying the feel of their breath mingling together. She sweetly placed the first of many kisses on the softest lips she had ever felt or tasted.

The next few months were a blur for both of them. Alex's apartment had been cleaned out after her "death" and all of her stuff had been sent back to her family up in Boston. It didn't really matter to either of them; Alex had moved into Olivia's as soon as she picked up her bags from the safehouse. Alex had been offered a position with the D.A.'s office, but declined. She also had received several offers from different reputable law firms around the city; she turned them all down.

About a month after Alexandra Cabot's rebirth, she and Olivia travelled to Boston for a visit with Alex's family. Her whole family, especially her uncle, embraced their relationship with open arms. Uncle Jeremiah offered Alex a position with his law firm and also offered to put in his best word towards getting Olivia a post with the Boston P.D. He asked them if they would consider moving out of the Big Apple and relocating to The Hub. Alex politely declined the offer, but Olivia told him that she would talk to Alex about it further.

They discussed the issue over the next week, and after much debate and prodding on Olivia's part, Alex decided to take her uncle up on the offer. She and Olivia could still live in New York and Alex could stay in Boston a few days a week, doing the majority of her casework from her home office in their new apartment.

Alex really did miss being a prosecutor and Olivia knew it would have only been a matter of time until Alex became so stir crazy that she'd be taking a job in the city anyway. Therefore, as far as Olivia was concerned, the timing of Jeremiah’s offer was perfect. Of course, they'd miss each other, but they had each other now and everything was going to work out for the best.

You say that it’s important for our future
An executive on his way up has got to play the part
Each time duty calls you got to give it all
You've got with all your heart


Alex's work kept her in Boston three or four days a week at first, then it became four or five, then came trouble at the family firm in Nashville. Alex began to travel to Tennessee once a week to oversee some sort of situation that had developed down there. Olivia made the trip with her once, and traveled to Boston to see her occasionally, but it wasn't enough for her. When Alex was asked to make her position in the Nashville firm permanent, it was a no-brainer for Olivia to say 'let's move.'

Therefore, it came to be that Olivia and Alex now lived in a large white southern colonial home, with a large hearth in the living room, four bedrooms, a large master bedroom with a small brick fireplace and a king-sized canopy bed. Olivia had never been into extravagant or elegant, but it seemed natural for a Cabot, and Olivia welcomed Alex's designer taste with warmth that surprised them both.

Present Day - Alex

Alex pulled into the driveway, parking her silver Lexus behind Olivia's Midnight Blue Jeep Rubicon, a gift from Alex. She smiled to herself, anything to get her out of that ugly brown sedan, 'God, she's not a cop anymore; she's a private security consultant, with her own business. Besides she likes the way it makes my eyes a very 'sexy' blue.'

Entering the front hall, Alex set her briefcase by the door, noticing that her long winter coat was hanging on the rack next to her overnight bag.


When she didn't get a response, she kicked off her heels and headed toward the living room. There she found Olivia sitting cross-legged in front of a blazing fire; their two yellow labs sprawled out beside her, Elliot on her left, tail thumping and Munch on her right, belly-up. Alex walked up behind her and scooched down, wrapping her arms around her, brushing her lips lightly over Olivia's neck.

"I'm so sorry Sweetie."

"I know."

"Thank you for getting my things together."

"You're welcome."

"I wish you could come with..."

"I could..."

"You'd be bored out of your mind."

"It's my call."

"I just think..."

"I know, I'm staying here. Don't worry."

"Liv, let's not get into this right now. I just want a couple of minutes with you before I leave, no arguing."

"I'm not arguing Alex. I stopped arguing about it long ago. I just thought moving here would let us be together more. You know?"

"I do, babe. And we will be. I just have to do this.”


"I just do Liv."

"I see," Olivia started to get up to poke at the fire.

Alex held her in place, "Sit, let me get it."

Olivia twisted around and got up anyway. She made her way to the couch, Elliot following her and jumping up beside her.

"Liv, get him off there. You know I don't like them on the furniture."

"You let them up here with you all the time. What's your problem? I didn't think you wanted to fight." Olivia pushed Elliot off the couch.

Alex sat down beside Olivia after fixing the fire. She reached for her hand, pulling it onto her lap. "I love you Olivia. Do you know that?"

"Yeah, I know that," Olivia turned their hands over and pulled them to her mouth for a quick kiss. "I love you, too."

"Are we okay?"

"Alex, we were never not okay."

"Really?" she tipped her head slightly.

"I don't know."

"Babe, I have to go. Can we talk about this Sunday night? You, me, the dogs, candlelight and wine?"

"Sure. You go, be safe. Come back to me," Olivia smiled awkwardly.

"Are you sure you're okay Liv?"

"Just missing you already," Olivia's mind raced back to Alex's words that February day... 'I don't care. No more running. Antonio will be safe, he'll be fine. I won't; not if I leave her behind again.' Yet here she was, leaving again.

When whoever's in New England is through with you
And Boston finds better things to do
You know it’s not too late 'cause you'll always have a place to go
When whoever's in New England’s through with you


Alex stood up, pulling Olivia with her. She pulled her close and into a warm hug. Pulling away slightly so she could lean in to kiss her, she brushed her lips tentatively over Olivia's. Olivia deepened the kiss, running her tongue over Alex's lower lip, asking for entrance. It was granted and their good-bye ran longer than Alex had planned.

"I have got to go or I'll miss my plane," she whispered as she pulled out of Olivia's embrace.

"I know. I'll be here when you get back. Call me when you get in, okay?"

"Of course I will. Don't I always?"

With that they said their 'I love yous', Alex scratched behind the ears of Elliot and Munch before heading out the door with her bags and coat. Olivia stood in the doorway and watched Alex's Lexus until she couldn't see it any longer. Closing the door, she made her way back into the living room.

Alex made her flight on time, and was off to Boston. She settled into her seat and pulled out her I-pod, clicking through the songs. She found the song she was looking for and hit play. Since moving to Tennessee, Alex's taste for country music had seemed to rub off on Olivia. The song that was playing through her earpiece right now had been playing when she arrived home earlier in the day. Alex reflected on how fitting it was and how Olivia had no idea exactly how fitting…

January 25, 2005

Hearing a car pull into the drive, Emily pulled the curtain back to get a look at a silver sedan sitting in her yard. Before DEA Agent Hammond and Captain Cragen could knock on the door, Alex had it open. "What happened?"

Cragen and Hammond took the offered seat on the brown couch sitting across from Alex's chair. Alex held a picture of Liam Connors in one hand and a pillow to her lap with the other. Together the men told her Connors' story and the events leading up to his capture; both men tried to dissuade her from going back to New York.

Alex held tight to her pillow, "If I don't go back, the defense will issue a missing witness charge, and you'll lose your case."

Hammond sighed, "But we still got Connors on four counts of murder."

"Because an eight year old boy has the guts to testify. After being shot, twice."

Cragen studied her for a moment, "Alex, if you go back, they will try to kill you again."

Alex tensed up and pushed forward, "I have lost my home... my job... my friends... my mother died and I couldn't go to the funeral. Liam Connors is not going to take my conscience."

Cragen and Hammond stood, Hammond headed towards the door, "We figured you'd say that. We're going to grab a bite to eat; we'll be back in a couple of hours. Here's our itinerary, have a couple of bags packed to go. I've already spoken with your office. You're all set."

Alex saw them to the door, her head reeling from this new information, "Thank you. Thank you both."

Alex walked to the kitchen counter and picked up the pre-paid cell phone. She shakily dialed a number she had memorized, but never called, and lifted the phone to her ear...



Jordan lowered her voice and stepping away from Bug & Lilly. "Hey there. Wow. It's nice to hear your voice. You okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah. Hey, it's only been six days since you've heard my voice."

Alex thought back a few days, remembering how exactly it was that Jordan had heard her voice, screaming, whispering and moaning Jordan's name as they moved together on her bed, right down the hall. Hammond would have her ass if he knew what she had been doing; then again, maybe he did.

Jordan’s cheeks flushed at that comment, she decided it best to take the conversation to a more private location. She waved off Bug & Lilly, leaving them in the lab, heading for her office.

"Oh-kay, but you don't usually, wait - you never call me. Seriously, is everything alright?"

"Captain Cragen and Agent Hammond just left."


"Velez is dead. Liam Connors is in custody. They needed to tell me, he was the one who made the attempt on my life. I don't need to testify, but I'm going to."

"Is that wise?"

"I need to do it."

"I know. Do you want me there?"

"I don't think..."

"Right. Olivia."

"Jordan, it's not that."

"Yes it is."

"No. Well, yes. We need to talk."


"Hammond and Don are flying with me to Boston tonight. Tomorrow I’ll be meeting with my uncle to get some things in order, then Ill be paying a visit to my mother’s gravesite. We'll be driving to New York later in the day. Can I see you?"

"Busy girl. Of course. Where?"

"We're staying at the Ritz. We should be there by nine-thirty."

"The Ritz? A little classy for a government operation, don'tcha think?"

"I think Hammond is spoiling me for some reason."

"I can think of reasons to spoil you."

"Jordan. I'll call you after we've checked in. Is that okay?"

"More than."

"See you soon."

"Talk to you sooner."

"Yeah, bye you."

"No, not on the bayou, but at the Ritz."

Alex laughed her good-bye and hit the little red phone button to end her call. Taking a deep breath, she looked around the little house that had become her home for the last nine months. Photos of people who came with the frame, plant stands with plants that heard stories no one here ever could, this had become her home. The first few months had been constant moving from place, but here she had settled. Agent Hammond felt she was safe here, so here is where has been. Wisconsin, seriously. Now all of that was going to change.

Moving from place to place at the start of her time in witness protection had been wearisome. Here she had settled in as much as possible. She worked for a small, but busy, insurance agency. She dated occasionally, one man in particular at first, not so much lately. Nevertheless, none of this ‘settling’ could sate her desire for the one thing that had come to make her life what it was becoming before she was shot, Olivia. That was the case until a skinny raven-haired force-of-nature from her past returned to her world.

In witness protection, Alex knew she couldn’t call Olivia, talk to Olivia, or see Olivia. She could dream of what may have been, but never would be; just a fantasy never fulfilled. About four months ago, she came to a dire realization; dating the fairer sex was not an option in this reality that she was now living. She had no one to talk to about how cute the waitress at the deli was, or how ‘hot’ the new chick on C.S.I. was, let alone talking to someone about her lust and love for one dark-eyed, damn sexy detective that she had to leave behind. Alex took a bold, if not insane chance, she looked up and old friend on the internet.

Alex discovered that her childhood friend, Jordan Cavanaugh, was now a M.E. for the city of Boston. One anonymous email later, Alex was questioning her decision making process. Was witness protection giving her a false sense of security? What was she thinking; she could be putting more than just herself and Jordan in harm’s way. Hammond was going to kill her; no, Hammond was going to uproot her ‘now settled’ life, move her to parts unknown, then he’d kill her.

Emily sipped her coffee and scanned through her email. Jenny, the office receptionist, mentioned to her that she had forwarded some really funny jokes that Emily had to read before their lunchtime walk. Deleting junk-mail as she skimmed through, her finger stopped clicking at an email from Twiggy82. She caught her breath. Open it Alex, just open it. With a double-click, there it was a reply from Jordan, Twiggy82. It wasn’t the email address she had sent her email to, but she recognized the nickname she had given Jordan way back when they were kids at summer camp in Maine.

> Hey there ~ Wow. Blast from the past. I have an instant messaging account with Zaboom! If work allows, go grab an account and give me a shout. Otherwise, use this email addy, I check it at work often enough and those few moments I’m at home, it’s the one I use. Okay, wordy enough for you. Wow. Great to hear from you. Hope to hear more from you soon ~ Twiggy <

Without a second thought, Alex shot over to the Zaboom! website and signed up for a new account. She was now StikFigur79. She immediately sent a reply to Twiggy82; letting her know how nice it was to hear from her and informing her that she could i.m. at work.

Emily went for her lunchtime walk with Jenny. They grabbed a quick bite to eat at the deli across the street from the office. Alex made small talk while discreetly sneaking glances at the waitress behind the counter. They made their way back to the office. Jenny insisted that Emily go check out the jokes she had sent her. Emily laughed and told her she did have actual work to do, but she was sorry she hadn’t checked them out before lunch.

When she got back to her desk, her screensaver was flashing pictures of the New York City skyline. Smiled and closed her eyes. A girl can dream, right?

Sitting down, she shook her mouse a little to clear the screensaver away. Her log in screen popped up, she logged back in to her computer. A flashing walkie-talkie type icon in the lower right-hand corner of her screen caught her attention. She clicked it. It was Zaboom! messenger, Twiggy82 was waiting for StikFigur79 to add her to her ’buddy’ list.

‘Hell yeah!’ Then she realized that she had left her new mail program logged in while she was gone to lunch. ’Shit. Cannot do that again!’

Just as quickly, she lost that train of thought and hit the button to add a buddy. About twenty seconds after she had added Twiggy82 to her buddy-list, the messenger box popped up:

Twiggy82- Hi. Long time.
StikFigur79- Hi. Yeah. How’ve you been?
Twiggy82- Well. U?
StikFigur79- Not so much. Hence the James Bond act.
Twiggy82- I love 007. R u ok? Is this okay?
StikFigur79- Y. N. I don’t know. I’m better now. Just some connection 2 something that is real to my past.
Twiggy82- Good. Where r u?
StikFigur79- Nowhere. TMI already.
Twiggy82- Oh. U know I could find u I bet…
StikFigur79- Don’t try. Please. It’s just better this way.
Twiggy82- OK. So… Hi.
StikFigur79- Hi.

Alex smiled remembering that for at least two months they emailed & messaged each other non-stop. It was as if the weight of the world had been lifted from Alex’s shoulders. She told her all of it; of her desire for Olivia, how she may have loved her more than she ever knew she could love anyone, she told her about some the most bizarre cases, and how she was put on a hit-list and how she came to be in witness protection. She even told her how much of a coward she was when it came to Olivia, but if she ever had another chance; she would not let it pass by. It was enlightening, safe and dangerous, both at the same time. She had confided in Jordan like they had never gone their separate ways after the dream-like year they spent at Harvard together.


Boston - Years earlier

She and Jordan had been through a great deal in the past, after three years of summer camp together, they had forged a tight bond, regardless of social status. They continued to write and call each other throughout high school (for Jordan, prep school for Alex); Jordan was a couple years younger than Alex, so Alex was supposed to be the experienced one, giving advice to her younger friend. It turned out to be just the opposite, Alex was so wrapped up in her studies, she hardly experienced life; she lived vicariously through Jordan and her escapades. Then at the beginning of Alex’s third year at Harvard, she got a surprise visitor in her dorm room.

Alex answered the knock at the door, “Come in.”

She was putting the last of this semesters books on the already crowded shelf. She heard the door open and a smoky voice ask, “Think ya have enough to keep ya busy, girl?”

Alex whipped around, “Oh my god, Jordan! What are you doing here? Well, it’s not that you can’t visit. It’s just, well, you haven’t visited. I mean, how’d you find me?”

Jordan crossed the room engulfing Alex in a giant bear hug, “Slow down Stick, you’ll blow a gasket. Geez!”

Alex squeezed her hard and pulled away, “Hi.”

“Back atcha.”

“Okay, again with the ‘what’ are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be on a plane to California? You know college?”

“Yeah, well,” Jordan backed away from Alex a little and scuffed the floor with her boot. “I, uh, decided not to go.”

Alex stammered, “Wh-what? You studied so hard last year. Your SATs were through the roof. You’re brilliant. Wh-what? Wh-why?”

Jordan gave Alex a Cheshire-catlike grin, “You know, ya gonna make a lousy lawyer if you can’t keep from trippin’ on your own tongue when someone throws a surprise your way. Relax Alex.”

“Relax? Relax? Man, what’d your dad say? I can hear him now, ‘Jah-den, you get ahn that plane and go get that education I worked so hahd for!’”

Alex sat on the edge of her bed. Jordan crossed the room and sat beside her. “Dad’s fine Alex. He’s fine, because I’m still going to college, just not U.S.C.”

“Oh, that’s good. No, that’s great. Where?” Alex turned towards Jordan and hugged her.

“Well, you know that I applied a few place around town. I figured that if I didn’t get a scholarship, that I’d be able to stay at home. You know save Dad some bucks.”

“Jordan, I told you a long time ago. I would loan you the money for school, interest free. I know we don’t see each other every day, and you’re a little younger, but you’re still my best friend.”

“Best friend? Stick Figure, I’m your only friend,” Jordan poked Alex lightly in the shoulder as she chuckled.

“Ha, ha. Very funny,” Alex poked back at her.

“Ow you, I was just kidding.” Jordan rubbed her fake wounded shoulder, “Anyhoo, I don’t need your money. I got a full scholarship to U.S.C., but you knew that. I don’t think I ever told you that U.S.C. wasn’t my first choice. I had another school in mind, but there was no way I could afford it without a scholarship, “Jordan held up her hand to stop Alex from cutting in. “And for the record, your money’s no good here.“ Jordan pointed to herself, maybe in the direction of her heart.

“Fine. “ Alex leaned back on her bed, propping herself up on her elbows, studying her young friend. “Go on. “

“Well, I had already been accepted, but no scholarship. So, off to U.S.C. I was headed. Then last week a letter came, an offer for a three-quarter scholarship. Dad and I figured it out; if I stay at home, it’ll work out to no more than going to U Mass. So here I am.”

“Here you are,” Alex looked her over. She had grown into a stunning young woman over the summer. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t seen her all summer. When was the last time she had seen her?

“Right,” Jordan was staring at Alex, wondering what she was thinking. So she asked, “Whatcha thinking’ Stick?”

“I was thinking I somehow can’t remember - when did we see each other last? Have you always been this beautiful?” Alex caught herself, but too late. She was blushing now, though she didn’t know why, it was Jordan for god’s sake. No big.

“I’m not, but thank you. And we saw each other in May, Mother’s Day. I cried, you consoled, and there was a lot of mascara. I ruined your light blue mohair sweater.” Jordan flopped down onto the bed beside Alex.

“Hmm, right,” Alex mused. Allowing herself to roll onto her side and study her friend a bit more. “I never really liked that sweater anyways.”

“I did. It made your eyes a steely blue. You’d think it would’ve made them brighter, but it didn’t. They just had this really intense blue hue.”

“You liked it. I threw it away.”

“I should’ve been more clear, counselor. What I really liked was your eyes, are your eyes.” Jordan rolled over to face Alex. She stared deep into those blue eyes.

Alex was losing herself in the gaze, when the comment and its implications hit her. “Oh.”

“Oh? That’s your response?” Jordan laughed as she rolled onto her back.

Alex snickered, “Yeah, I guess. I mean, man, if I keep this up... Can I stutter a bit more?”

“I think.”


“I know.” Jordan sat up and pulled her legs under her cross-legged style. Spinning to face Alex, she spoke softly, “Listen, I didn’t mean anything by that whole eyes thing. Really, I just like them. This is very awkward, isn’t it? It’s just us. What’s up with the weirdness?”

Alex sat up and mirrored Jordan’s position. “I know why it’s weird for me, but I don’t know why it’s weird for you.”

“Tell me why?”

“Well, you know me better than anyone else on god’s green earth. And as a direct result of that, you know about my lack of attraction to men.”


“And you happen to not be one.”


“A man, Jordan. You are not male.”

“Oh right,” Jordan looked past Alex towards the desk in the corner. “Oh, now it’s my turn to ‘Oh.’ Are you? Well, I mean, you are attracted to me?”

“Yeah, didn’t even know until fifteen minutes ago.”


“Who woulda thunk it?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing really. Just thought you knew.”

“Knew what?”

“About me, about how you felt about me. About how I feel about you. That’s all.”

“That’s all? That’s a lot of abouts.”

“Yeah,” Jordan leaned forward bringing herself into Alex’s space. “Now shut up and kiss me counselor.”

Alex leaned in before she could think better of it and let her lips ghost against Jordan’s. Jordan’s quiet moan and forward pressure caused Alex to deepen the kiss. She could not believe that she hadn’t seen this before today. Jordan was supposed to be in California, but she wasn’t she was here. Alex pulled back gulping in a breath of desperately needed air. She rested her forehead against Jordan’s.

“You are here.”

“So it appears, here I am,” Jordan brought her hands up to cradle Alex’s face. She whispered, “I wondered when we’d get back to that.”

Alex pulled Jordan’s easily to their laps, which now seemed to be one, during the kiss Jordan had someone wrapped one leg around Alex, using it to pull herself onto Alex’s lap. Alex gently tried to extract herself from the position. Jordan pulled Alex in tighter, “Don’t.”

“Jordan, this is too much. Geez, you just turned eighteen, I’m twenty-one, almost twenty-two. We’re friends.”

Jordan slid off Alex’s lap and up to the head of the bed, resting against the pillows. She reached out her hand to Alex. Alex took it, but wouldn’t allow herself to be pulled up beside Jordan.

“Let’s take a small step back, shall we,” Alex smiled, her eyes giving away that she wasn’t backpedaling from her actions, but adjusting to them.

“Okay. A breather,” Jordan took in a deep breath and exhaled. “For the record, I meant all of it. I’m here and here I am.”

Alex took a deep breath, too. Then lightning struck, a light bulb went on, a clue was gotten, “You’re here. Here you are. You are going to Harvard.”

“And here I thought you got the looks in the family,” Jordan tightened her grip on Alex’s hand. “Is that alright? That I’m at Harvard?”

Alex pulled her hand from Jordan’s, kneeled and then started to crawl up beside Jordan, “Hell, yeah that’s okay. I have no idea what I’m getting into, but Hell yeah.” Alex closed the distance between them and began a journey of self-discovery, love, heartache and break.

Ultimately, their affair became nothing more than friendship; strangely, to them both the bond was stronger than it had been before the time they had shared in Alex’s bed. After Alex’s graduation, she took an internship in New York, working sixty or more hours a week. Jordan’s heavy course load got heavier; they just grew apart. The last time they had spoken before Alex’s ‘death’ was in passing at a Boston restaurant. They mentioned getting together, it never happened.

November 2005

Fate has a way of well, being fate. Twiggy’s last email informed Alex that she’d be heading to Las Vegas to follow up a lead in a weird case. It just so happened that Alex’s company was to be in Vegas that same weekend for some conference. Emily had already been relieved of the obligation, due to a pre-existing arrangement with Hammond, she supposed. It hadn’t fazed her to stay home and ‘mind the fort’ if you will, but now she wanted to go more than she could have ever imagined. She approached Jenny, who had more than once voiced her disdain of going to the gambling Mecca of the world, quote ‘Tell me Emily, why the hell a receptionist has to go to a conference? Is there a special symposium called ‘How May I Direct Your Call’? I think not. What a waste of my time. I hate bright lights, big cities and most of all loud obnoxious gambling drunks. They remind me of my ex-husband!’

Emily knew Jenny would be ecstatic to swap places, and she was. Alex was walking a fine line, if Hammond found out…

The company had rooms at the Bellagio. Emily checked in with her co-workers, they all verified their itineraries, made dinner or breakfast plans with one another, and then all headed off in separate directions. Alex could foresee only one problem with getting away to surprise Jordan, and that was Jake, her once steady, now near non-existent date from the agency. He was nice enough, and a great claims adjuster, but not what she wanted.

She knew how dangerous this little game was becoming, but she was to the point where she didn’t care. If she couldn’t have Olivia, maybe she could have just a little connection, contact, something with Jordan. Here, where ‘what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas’.

She headed toward the elevators with her bags. Jake was waiting, holding the doors for her. She nodded her thanks, got on the elevator and smiled weakly. He tried to make small talk, but Emily shut him down with politeness, a headache and slight case of nausea. He offered help, she declined. She quietly applauded herself for the ease of deflecting him.

Once in her room, she locked and bolted the door, checked the locks, the windows, the bathroom, the locks on balcony doors, and then checked them all again. If Hammond found out…

Alex opened her briefcase - she didn’t really need to carry one at work, but it just felt right and kept her somehow connected to a life once lived. On this trip, the briefcase carried a laptop. She pulled the laptop out and sat it on the middle of the bed. She flipped it open, turned it on and then went to the bathroom while it was booting up. After changing into her silk pajama pants, leaving the camisole on that she had been wearing, she climbed onto the bed and pulled the computer onto her lap. Wi-fi internet was such a blessing. She logged onto Zaboom!, checked her email. Reading the first of two messages from Twiggy82, she smiled.

>Hey Stick ~
Just sending you my flight plans. Don’t exactly know why. Woody and I are staying at the Montecito. I’ll send you another email when we arrive. Not sure what room I’m in yet… Love ya ~ Twiggy<

Alex looked at the departure and arrival times that Jordan had attached to the bottom of the email. It looked like Jordan should have arrived about six hours ago. She clicked ‘Next’ and Jordan’s second message popped onto the screen.

>Hiyah Blonde Stick~

We just checked in, I’m meeting Danny in about fifteen minutes. We’ll be going over some more details of this bizarre case. Woody is meeting with Sam as we speak. He doesn’t need a tour guide; he’s been here before, really. Of course, I can’t blame him, she is a hottie. I’m sure I won’t hear from him until the a.m.

I’m in #616. Call me after 11, if you can. I’ll be up till the wee hours of the morn, I’m sure. I’m glad you invested in that pre-paid cell. It was nice to hear your voice the other night, after all this time.

Hope to hear your voice soon ~ Twig<

Alex took a deep breath, ‘Oh, my long-lost friend, if I have my way, you’ll definitely be up until the wee hours.’ Alex had not let on that she was going to be in Vegas, hoping this was going to be a pleasant surprise for Jordan. With that thought, she hit ‘Reply’:

>Hello Twig~
Glad to hear you had a safe flight. I hope that your trip turns out to be worthwhile. I’ll try to call between 11 and midnight. It was nice to hear your voice, too. I hope to hear more of it soon. I can’t believe how much I’ve missed you. Crazy, huh?
~ Soon, Love ya, too ~ Stick<

Alex hit send, logged off and then shutdown her computer. Closing the laptop as she pushed towards the edge of the bed. Leaning back onto the pillows, she closed her eyes; thinking ‘two hours and I’ll be making that phone call.’

At 11:20, Alex stood outside the Montecito; she had already programmed the number into her phone. She dialed the front desk and asked for Suite 616. Jordan picked up. “Hello. Cavanaugh.”

Alex made her way into the lobby and found a quiet, small alcove to aid in keeping her conversation private. “Hey there, Cavanaugh.”

“Oh, hey. Hi. Sorry ‘bout that. Coulda been Woody, or Danny. Doubtful, but coulda been.” “No problem. How are you?”

“’M good. A little tired. You?”



“Yeah. Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course you can. God has it been so long that you have to ask that?”


“Right, it has. Go ahead. Anything.” Jordan pulled the covers down on the bed and slid in. If she was going to chat the night away with Alex, she was going to get comfy. Screw the notes she was working on for the case.

“Well, first, did you get my reply?”

“Yeah, didn’t you get mine? I just sent it about five minutes ago.”

Alex hadn’t gotten it because she was standing outside the Montecito working up the courage to go forward with her plan to see Jordan, but she couldn’t tell her that just yet. She still wanted to have the opportunity to back out, if she got scared. “No, sorry, I’m not online right now. What’d you say?”

“Not much, you can read later, or tomorrow. Something along the lines of why haven’t you called yet and miss you too.”


“Yeah. Now what’s the question?”

Taking a deep breath and steeling herself, Alex forced the question out, “Are you alone?”

“What? Why? Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“No reason. Just asking if you had the privacy thing going on.”

“Why now Stick, if I was a gambling girl, I’d think you’d have something to say. Getting a little kinky in your old age, are ya?”

Alex moved out of the alcove and towards the elevators. “Maybe. What are you wearing?“

“Oh, you are. This is different. “

Alex stood back from the elevators as she heard the bell ding as the doors opened. She stepped on and let the door slide shut. She reached for the “6” button as she asked, “Too weird?”

“No, no. Unexpected, but not weird. Nice even. What do you want me to be wearing?” Jordan slid down into the covers a little more, reclining easily against the pillows.

“Honestly?” Alex stepped off the elevator, the ding the bell made echoed in her phone.

Jordan heard it and her eyebrows lifted, “Yeah honestly. What was that in the background? A bell?”

Alex was standing in front of the door to room 616. She filled her lungs, and then exhaled. “Yeah, it was a bell. As for what I want you to be wearing, well honestly, me.”



“Wow. Okay, beyond unexpected. After all this time, why now? Because I’m safe?”

“Why now? Because I need to feel a connection to something real from my past. And you are not safe, no one is, but you are safer…”

“Than risking Olivia.”

Alex sighed, “It’s not that. It’s just, oh, damnit Jordan.” She reached up to knock on the door.

Jordan kicked herself for that comment, “Hey, I’m sorry. That was out of line. You caught me off- Hey Alex, can you hold on someone’s knocking on my door. Call me back in five minutes, ‘kay? I’m gonna rip Woody a new one, then I’ll be able to talk. You can tell me what you’re wearing.” The knocking persisted as Jordan reached for her pajama bottoms to pull on.

“Hold a minute Hoyt. You damn drunk, I’ll be right there.” She hollered at the door, then spoke softly into the phone, “Call me right back. I want to talk about this, to hear your voice, to hear you breathe. Please?”

“Jordan, hang up the phone and answer the door, then we’ll talk. Okay? Good. Bye now.” Alex ended her call.

Jordan set the phone on the cradle and sidled to the door. Whipping it open as she roiled, “Hoyt, an ass-kicking is on -” she stopped mid rant.

Alex stood at her door, “Hi, want to talk now?”

“Oh my god, what are you doing here? Get in here!” Jordan pulled Alex into the room and into a warm embrace.

Alex breathed a sigh of relief; this was going to be okay, at least for the moment. She whispered low enough so that she thought only she could hear it, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.”

Jordan stepped back from the embrace, suddenly itching to see she and Alex still fit together the way they did. She leaned in to taste a treat from her youth, licking her lips, she replied before diving in for more, “Stays in Vegas. You said something about me wearing you?”

Alex grinned into the kiss, and began pushing Jordan back towards the bed.

Present Day

I hear the wintertime up north can last forever
I’ve been told it’s beautiful to see this time of year
They say the snow can blind you till the world you left behind
Just disappears I hear


The attendant tapped her lightly on the shoulder as the plane began to descend over Boston. She removed her earbuds and thanked the nice looking woman for picking up her used coffee cup and other trash. Then her gaze returned to the Boston skyline. This would be the last time she’d make this trip without Olivia. This was Jordan and hers last weekend alone together. Alex had made a decision to be with Olivia, and she intended to stand by that decision, besides Alex and Jordan as seemed to be their true fate, were destined to be better friends than lovers.

Over the past few months, prior to Connors’ capture, ever since Las Vegas, Jordan had traveled to Wisconsin at least twice a month. The affair was safe, yet dangerous; it could go nowhere, yet if anyone found out, Alex would surely have to move on to a new life. After her ‘re-birth,’ Alex had been working out of the Boston firm, staying there for days at a time. They had continued the affair even though Alex was now living and seemingly in-love with Olivia. It was now time for Alex to give everything to Olivia; she wanted to give everything to Olivia. Jordan knew that it would only be a matter of time.

Alex joined the lined of passengers filing down the off-ramp. Her overnight bag slung over one shoulder, along with her briefcase, her overcoat draped over her arm, and her cell phone clasped to her ear.

“Hey baby,” Alex’s voice hitched a bit when she caught sight of a raven head weaving through the crowd ahead.

“Hi Sweetie,” Olivia spoke softly into the receiver. “How was the flight?”

“Uneventful, thankfully. Just wanted to let you know I made in. I’ll call you tomorrow before I head out. Okay?” Alex waved to Jordan, who had made her way to where Alex now stood off to the side.

“Sounds good. Don’t work too hard. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Olivia.” Alex flipped her phone closed.

Jordan wrapped her arms around Alex, and Alex returned the embrace. Jordan squeezed tightly for a moment before letting go.

“How is she?”

“She’s well. She’s sad. We were supposed to go away this weekend.”

Jordan hooked her thumb under Alex’s briefcase and bag; she relieved Alex of the bags. “C’mon. We’ll talk about it on the way.”

“I need to check in with the office. I’ll be just a minute. You lead the way, I’ll follow. Are you parked in Lot D?”

“No. I cabbed it. Why don’t you make your call and I’ll grab us a couple of Starbucks.”

Alex leaned over to kiss her on the cheek, and Jordan twisted her head just in time to catch Alex’s lips. “Mmm.”

Alex slapped her on the arm, “Stop that. Go get me java. Now. Thank you.”

“Yes, m’am,” Jordan slipped off to grab coffee, while Alex sat down on a nearby bench and placed her call.

I packed your bags and left them in the hallway
But before you leave again there’s just one thing you oughta know
When the icy winds blow through you remember that it’s me
Who feels the cold most of all


By the time Jordan returned, Alex was off the phone and staring out the window at the incoming and outgoing planes.

“Hey,” Jordan tapped Alex with the back of her hand, holding up a hot cup of coffee. “Penny for ‘em.”

Alex sighed, “Only a penny? Well, in that case, I was thinking how I’m not going to miss you.” She smiled.

“Ah, but you are. It’s best this way. We both know it.” She wrapped an arm around Alex’s waist.

Alex rested her head on Jordan’s shoulder, “I know. It doesn’t make it hurt any less. Why do we do this to each other?”

“Because we can. Alex, I love you more deeply than I’ll ever love anyone else. But that doesn’t mean I’m in love with you, nor you with me; you are in love with Olivia. You probably have been since you first met.”

“Maybe. I hate hurting her, even though she doesn’t know.”

“If she is even an ounce of the person you say she is, girl she already knows.”

“I know. And that's why you say there will be no more us.”

“Alex, there’ll always be an ‘us.’ You’ll have to explain that to her someday, maybe soon. She’ll see it when we’re together. Everyone does.”

“I know.”

“You’re not very verbose today. What’s up? Are you ready to go? Let’s grab a cab.”

“Jordan, this is going to sound crazy, but I have to go,” Alex stared out the window, holding her cup in two hands.

“So, this is it for us. Right here, right now?”

“Yes. I’m going to go get a ticket home.”

“Funny. This was always your home.”

“She is my home,” Alex touched Jordan softly on the cheek. “Please don’t go anywhere, I’ll be right back.”

Jordan nodded, “She’s your home. Go get your ticket. I’ll be right here.”

Ten minutes later Alex was back with her ticket in hand.

“When's your flight?”

“I got lucky. Only a two hour wait. We can grab a bite to eat and say our good-byes.”

“Alex it’s not good-bye.”

Alex sat down on the bench, “You say that, but for the time being it is. I’m going to miss you terribly. Forget the food. Sit with me?”

“Of course.”

An hour passed and Jordan made note of the time. She stood up grabbing Alex’s things before she could. “C’mon, let’s get you on your way back to your woman.”

They stood at the gate holding hands, staring at each other. Alex brought their hands to her lips. Her lips brushing over Jordan’s knuckles as tears flowed easily over her cheeks. “I love you.”

“And I love you. You take care of her, but more than that, you take of yourself.”

“I’ve been selfish long enough. I told you once that if ever had another chance…”

“I remember. Just be happy. Don’t forget us.”


The last call for Alex’s flight came over the p.a. Jordan pulled her in close, allowing herself the simple pleasure of holding Alex one more time. Alex was placing small kisses on her neck, so Jordan tipped her head towards the kisses. The kisses made their way up her jaw line and to her lips; there the kisses formed into one lingering parting kiss. When Alex pulled away, Jordan did not argue or hold on tighter; she let go and whispered, “Fly safe, my Stick-girl. I love you.”

Alex headed for the boarding ramp, “I will. I’ll call you when I land. I love you, too.”

Jordan was speaking to her back, “Leave a message. I won’t be home.”

6 Hours Later

Alex pulled her silver Lexus into the driveway, parking behind Olivia’s Jeep. The security lights lit up as soon as she had pulled into the yard. She saw the light in the front hall go on, then the front porch light. By the time she was out of the vehicle, Olivia, followed by two barreling labs, was half way to her car.

“Baby! You scared the shit out of the dogs and me! What the hell are you doing back so soon? Are you okay?” Olivia sort of skidded to a stop in front of Alex.

Alex stared at the goddess in front of her; bed-head, white ribbed tank top, worn blue jeans, with gun tucked in the back of them (she didn’t have to look, she knew.) This woman was her everything, heaven, earth, sun, moon, universe and whatever else there was; her home.

When she didn’t answer her, Olivia asked again, “Alex sweetie, are you okay?”

Alex threw her arms around Olivia, “I am now Liv. I am now.”

**************************************************** When whoever's in New England is through with you
And Boston finds better things to do
You know its not too late 'cause you'll always have a place to go
When whoever's in New England’s through with you


~ For FSAC-DW05

Whoever's In New England
(Kendal Franceschi/Quentin Powers)
performed by Reba McEntire

You spend an awful lot of time in Massachutes
Seems Like every other week you've got a meeting waiting there
Business must be booming or could something else
Be moving in the air up there

You say that its important for our future
An executive on his way up has got to play the part
Each time duty calls you got to give it all
You've got with all your heart

When whoever's in New England is through with you
And Boston finds better things to do
You know its not too late 'cause you'll always have a place to go
When whoever's in New Englands through with you

I hear the winter time up north can last forever
Ive been told its beautiful to see this time of year
They say the snow can blind you till the world you left behind
Just disappears I hear

I packed your bags and left them in the hallway
But before you leave again theres just one thing you outta know
When the icy winds blow through you remember that its me
Who feels the cold most of all

When whoever's in New England is through with you
And Boston finds better things to do
You know its not too late 'cause you'll always have a place to go
When whoever's in New Englands through with you