Title: Only for You
Author: Layla Aaron
Feedback address: email@example.com
Date in Calendar: 28 June 2012
Fandom: The Good Wife
Pairing: Kalinda Sharma/Alicia Florrick
Word Count: 2,684
Summary: Picking up where the Season 3 finale left off, Alicia drops by Kalinda's apartment unexpectedly with an even more unexpected confession.
Spoilers/Warnings: Spoilers through the Season 3 finale.
Feedback: Always appreciated
Advertisement: Part of the FSAC:DD12
Author's Disclaimer: These characters are the intellectual copyrighted property of Robert King, Michelle King, and the CBS Network. This is purely for enjoyment and entertainment. This is not meant to infringe on the copyright in any way.
Author's Notes: This is what would follow the Season 3 finale, if I had my druthers.
Seated in a white leather chair with her legs crossed and her arms folded across her chest, Kalinda faced the door and waited. She unfolded her arms and gingerly touched the butt of her gun stuffed between the cushion and the arm of the chair, reaching for the one thing she relied on for security. She knew he would be coming for her. Kalinda also knew he would be coming for her. If he touched her...well, it would be over in a flurry of bullets. If Kalinda survived said flurry, then she'd be facing her former colleagues while her current ones did everything they could to save her ass. And if she didn't survive? Once she arrived in hell, she'd see him there and know she'd kept her safe. The question of the hour? Which he might come first – her husband or the druglord?
Kalinda saw the shadow of feet outside her door and saw the peephole go dark.
Knock, knock, knock.
With those three raps, her heart sped up. She swallowed hard, remained seated, and waited to see what came next.
"Kalinda, are you there?"
The voice from the other side of the door caused Kalinda's chest to tighten, but not with the fear that his voice would have. But what if...? What if he's got her, a gun to her head and is using her?
Three more knocks. "Kalinda, it's Alicia. Please let me in."
In slow motion, she uncrossed her legs, rose from her chair, and slid the gun into the back of her skirt before settling her jacked to cover the weapon. Despite the furious pounding of her heart and the fine perspiration forming on her forehead, Kalinda forced herself to move across the room in slow, deliberate steps.
The pleading tone stopped Kalinda in her tracks.
"Kalinda, I really want to talk to you and don't want to keep talking through the door. If I keep this up, your neighbors are going to wonder about the crazy brunette standing in your hallway, yelling at you through the door." The woman on the other side of the door laughed, a sound that held more bitterness than jest. "It wouldn't be the craziest thing I've done, but it's still outside of my comfort zone and you know how I love to present myself as the perfect model of, well, of anything."
Kalinda opened the door, rested an elbow on the doorjamb, and arched a brow. "This is an odd time of the night for you to be dropping by for a visit." She smirked at the other woman. "Not to mention, you didn't call."
Alicia smiled at her. Not just a hint of a smile, but a wide smile full of sincerity and pleasure.
The sight of it caused Kalinda's breath to hitch. No doubt about it; Alicia should smile more often. "So, what brings you here?"
"Can I come in?" Alicia tilted her head in an obvious attempt to see behind Kalinda.
Kalinda stepped back, opened the door wider, and gestured for the other woman to come in from the hallway. Once Alicia had walked in, Kalinda shut the door behind her.
"You're sitting in the dark?" In the darkness, Alicia's voice felt like a caress to Kalinda. Even when she asked such a simple question, her voice made Kalinda want to curl up next to her and begin to purr.
"It's easier to see the light under the door." She heard the other woman bump into the chair and let out a soft curse. "Sorry, there's a chair there."
Alicia chuckled. "Yes, I've discovered that." A moment of silence hung between them before Alicia asked, "Why do you need to see the light under the door?"
"So I can see someone is out there before they knock."
"Kalinda, what's going on?" Alicia's soft tone sent chills down Kalinda's spine. "It's, it's your husband, isn't it? You're expecting him to show up here, aren't you?"
Kalinda nodded then realized the other woman couldn't see the nod. She crossed the room and turned on the lamp that would offer the dimmest light so she could still see the light under her door, yet allow the pair of them to see each other. "Yes, Alicia."
"Oh God, Kalinda, this is all my fault. If I hadn't called about that check, then…" She let out a heavy sigh. "I, I thought I was doing you a favor, helping you find money to pay the IRS, but..." She trailed off.
"Shh, Alicia. You didn't know." Kalinda let out a harsh chuckle. "How could you know? It's not like I'm an open book or anything."
"No, you're more like a book that's under lock and key, a book you can't see for all the chains wrapped around it," the other woman murmured. "But none of that changes my role in this, and I'm really sorry."
Kalinda shook her head. "I knew he would be coming after me sooner or later. It was only a matter of time as to how long I could keep hidden. He is good at finding people, and he's especially good at finding people who do not want to be found."
Alicia ran her hand over the back of the chair. "Peter helped you ‘disappear,' helped you fast track the name change and other paperwork, didn't he?"
Staring at Alicia's hand, Kalinda nodded absently.
Alicia straightened, stopped moving her hands. "It would be easy to show gratitude to someone who helped you escape someone you obviously fear." She stared at Kalinda. "You're one of the most fearless people I know, and in the past few days I've seen you become one of the most fearful. Between Lemond Bishop and your husband…Kalinda, what have I done?"
"You were doing your job, Alicia." Kalinda moved closer, standing on the opposite side of the chair. "You found the checks and realized it could help me pay the IRS. As for Bishop, you didn't realize Lana, I mean Agent Delaney, would go nosing around."
"She's trouble, Kalinda."
A husky laugh escaped Kalinda. "Trouble is all I deal with, Alicia."
"Perhaps it is, but she's a different kind of trouble." The other woman swallowed. Her show of nerves intrigued Kalinda. She couldn't recall seeing Alicia like this.
When Alicia met her gaze, the intensity of emotions in her eyes left Kalinda a bit breathless. "I don't want something she says or does to put you in danger." Alicia dropped her gaze and stared at the chair. "And I'm jealous," she whispered. She looked up and their gazes locked.
Kalinda reached out to cover Alicia's hand with her own. "Why did you come here tonight, Alicia?" she whispered.
"To confess." The other woman's whisper sent a shiver dancing the length of Kalinda's spine, and she stared at Alicia, waiting to hear her confession.
"I came to tell you the true reason I was so upset when I found out about Peter and you." The other woman dropped her gaze to their hands. "Most people would assume I was angry because I'd found out Peter had at one time been intimate with my new best friend, but Peter having sex with another woman would not have surprised me." She looked up. "I, I was angry that he'd known intimacy with you before I did."
"Alicia, you know me. In fact, you know me better than most, and that's because I've let you in. Do not mistake sex with intimacy."
Tilting her head to the side, Alicia furrowed her brow.
"I use sex to get information, to get what I want." Kalinda shrugged. "It's not always ethical or moral, but it's what I do. I can count the few times sex and intimacy have gone hand in hand for me."
"Why do I use sex or why do they rarely go hand in hand for me?" A hint of a smile curved Kalinda's lips.
"Either answer will do."
"Once a lawyer, always a lawyer?" This time Kalinda chuckled.
Alicia graced her with a smile. "Something like that."
Kalinda began to rub her thumb back and forth over the back of Alicia's hand. "Sex is two or more people bringing their bodies together. If everybody knows what they're doing, they all usually have a good time and experience pleasure. For me, it's bodies bumping together; rarely anything more than that." She turned Alicia's hand over and traced the pad of her thumb in circles round and round in the other woman's palm.
"How does intimacy differ from that?"
"In sex, I give my body, and it could be to someone I like or someone I need something from. In intimacy, I give my soul to someone I care about, to someone I trust with what I consider most precious. There's a difference between pouring my heart out by sharing confidences with a dear friend and spreading my legs for someone I find attractive.
"You never realized how much I shared with you." Kalinda let out a sigh. "You probably thought nothing of the little bits of information I shared with you, but the truth is I rarely share anything with other people. So, sharing trivial information with you was a huge step for me. You know more than just trivial bits of information; you know things I never willingly shared with anyone else."
"So, you were never attracted to me?"
Kalinda winced at the hurt tone of Alicia's voice; she shook her head. "I didn't say that." She curled her hand around the other woman's. "I've been attracted to you from the first day I saw you at the firm. I used any and all excuses to come perch on your desk, just to be near you. I wondered what you wore beneath your prim and proper suits. If I stripped you out of your suits, what would I find? Lace, satin, silk?"
Alicia swallowed. Kalinda extended her free hand to caress the other woman's cheek. She drew in a sharp breath when the other woman turned her face and pressed her lips to the palm.
Whispering, Kalinda continued, "I've never felt like that with anyone. I, I fell in love with you. Even though I knew deep in my heart that I could never have all of you because of a single night."
Unwilling to wait any longer for something she'd wanted, Kalinda slid her hands behind Alicia's head and pull her face closer. She pressed a soft kiss to the other woman's lips. "So soft and sweet, just like I knew they would be." Kalinda kissed Alicia again, a deeper kiss this time. When they pulled back, they stared at each other for several silent seconds.
"Please," Alicia pleaded.
Kalinda tangled her fingers in Alicia's hair, tugging slightly. "I want to. You have no idea how much I want to, but I don't want our first time together to be a rushed, hurried affair because I'm worried about who might come barging in here." She slid a hand around, cradling Alicia's cheek. "I want the first time we make love, and it will be making love no matter how tender and sweet or how hot and nasty it is. I want the time to explore your body, suck on your nipples and watch you squirm before finally tasting you. I want to be able to give you my full attention."
Alicia whimpered then nodded.
"Oh god, Alicia. Please don't look at me like that. I want you, and knowing you want me in return, is making it all the harder to resist the temptation you offer." Caressing Alicia's cheek with the back of her fingers, Kalinda placed another kiss on her mouth. "If the circumstances were different, you'd already be in that room and down to your lingerie." She nodded toward the bedroom and smiled against the other woman's lips.
Alicia shivered. "I, please..."
Kalinda stepped back, held up a finger. "Give me a moment. I have an idea for a compromise." She released her hold on Alicia, grabbed the smallest table and hauled it over by the door. She then grabbed a vase filled with glass stones and silk flowers and placed it on the corner of the table. While not as effective as sitting in the living room in the dark, the booby trap would serve as a decent alarm in the case of an intruder. Especially if she kept her gun on the nightstand, within arm's reach.
Turning to face Alicia, she held out her hand. "Come with me."
Alicia took her hand and followed her into the bedroom.
With a sweep of her arm, Kalinda dumped the clothing and duffle bag from her bed. She removed her jacket then bent at the waist to unzip her boots before stepping out of them. Without her boots, she stood several inches shorter than Alicia. She faced the other woman. "Come to bed with me."
Alicia nodded, stepping out of her sensible pumps and slipping off her suit jacket. She gasped sharply when Kalinda faced away from her, taking her gun from the waistband of her skirt and setting it on the nightstand. "Is that necessary?"
"Yes. Between the husband and the drug lord, there's a good chance I'll need a weapon." She moved to stand beside Alicia, grasping Alicia's hand and tugging her toward the bed. When the other woman moved onto the bed, Kalinda bit back a moan.
Alicia held out her hand and Kalinda took it then slid onto the bed with her. Taking care to ensure she could reach her gun if she needed it, Kalinda settled and pulled Alicia to her.
Silence hung between them as they lay there and stared at each other. Kalinda saw it in Alicia's eyes; she saw the moment comprehension dawned on the other woman. She smirked at Alicia. "This is intimacy."
"My turn to ask a question." Kalinda stroked loose strands of hair from Alicia's cheek. "When you slept with Will, was it intimate or purely physical?"
Alicia pursed her lips, opened her mouth to speak then closed it again. After a few seconds, she replied, "I, it was physical. I won't deny any emotional connection, but I wanted revenge against Peter."
"And against me."
The other woman nodded then frowned. "But you had encouraged me to have an affair with Will. If you were in love with me, why would you do that?"
"Because loving someone means you want what makes them happy. At the time, I thought an affair with Will would make you happy." She trailed fingertips over Alicia's lips. "Turns out I was wrong."
"It was fun and exciting, but it was missing something," Alicia confessed.
"Intimacy, perhaps?" Kalinda smiled.
Alicia laughed softly. "Yes, I suppose that was the missing component. I, I feel more content and satisfied, lying here with you fully clothed on top of the covers."
Twining a lock of Alicia's hair around her finger, Kalinda gazed at her. "When all of this is over, when we're both safe, we have unresolved business to finish." She leaned in, placed her lips against Alicia's then murmured, "When that time comes, I will discover what scandalous items you wear beneath those prim and proper suits, and I will tear them from your body before claiming what is mine. I'll know the feel of your nipples hardening in my mouth as I suck them. I'll experience the feel of my fingers thrusting in and out of your pussy while I suck your clit between my lips. And when you come, oh god, I'll know that heady rush of satisfying the woman I love."
Alicia cuddled closer, draped her arm over Kalinda's waist and nuzzled her neck.
Kalinda stroked Alicia's back until she drifted off to sleep. Pressing a kiss to Alicia's temple, she whispered, "I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe, my love, even if I have to kill someone. Only for you." The sound of Alicia's even breathing settled her nerves, even as she waited for a telltale crash of the glass vase shattering.